20 Faded Photographs
by Vagrancy
Summary: But when he thinks about it, the name is fitting in so many ways, and that's when he starts to feel sick. Slight shotacon? Language. Spoilers up to v.2


-11. It's only after Seimei's murder, that Ritsuka, he realizes there are no pictures of he and his brother together. As if they existed in seperate worlds, and maybe Seimei wasn't really _real_; he could've imagined everything, and Ritsuka already knows he can't trust his mind, can't trust his memories because they're so faulty. So fleeting. And it's then, sitting on Seimei's bed (the bed they might have sat on while words were exchanged and wounds were bandaged, and this is all only if his memory wasn't lying to him) with empty shaking hands, that Ritsuka, he decides to start making memories.

2. Sometimes, he's scared that he'll forget everything when--and if--the real Ritsuka, the Ritsuka his mother wants, comes back. And the memories will be useless, because, maybe, just maybe, if Ritsuka comes back, he won't remember who he's with in the pictures anymore. If Ritsuka wants to come back, he'll let him in, but it will break his hear--it will really suck, all of his efforts going to waste like that.

3. Adults, they annoy Ritsuka because they can see through his tough facade but never say anything about how transparent it is, and it makes him feel like such a _child_.

4. The truth is, he likes being the sacrifice. It makes him feel safe and strong and being weighed down with shackles and chains helps him show that he's really not weak. That he's not just playing at being tough.

5. He is not ashamed of his ears and tail, and thinks it's stupid when that people are.

6. Soubi makes Ritsuka nervous, but he will never, ever tell him so. Ritsuka, he trusts Soubi more than any other adult he knows, but Soubi knows about Seimei and he knows all about _him_--all those little secret nothings about him that he's never talked about, Soubi can see them. Ritsuka can tell by the way he smiles.

7. And he can't get why Soubi still wants to hang around him, knowing all those things. He would never hurt himself like Soubi does, not for someone like himself. Truth, it makes him feel like shit that Seimei cared enough to give him control of his fighter unit.

8. Ritsuka does not understand why so many people care about him, and Yuiko will not give him an honest opinion. Ritsuka, he wouldn't trust what she said, even if it was the truth, but at least he'd know something.

9. He understands why most of his classmates can't stand him: it's because he's cold and weird and different. Not jealous, which is what Yuiko insists. Yuiko, she can be so dense.

10. People stop asking about the bandages, eventually. Ritsuka can see them eyeing a gauze-covered left hand (fork-stabbed and bitten, so fucking painful and bloody that he can't use it for a week), looking at the medical tape on his cheeks, then looking away. "I got in a fight," he says, and it's a pathetic lie--he hates fighting, but at least it makes him feel strong.

11. There are times when he tries to play the Ritsuka everyone else wants, but that Ritsuka is a total stranger to him (and, honestly, he doesn't want that part of him to come back; he is trying to live his life for himself).

12. Some people are less than human. There's no way around it. They are cold and heartless and selfish, and Ritsuka would make them pay for being so horrible, if he could.

13. Ritsuka, he believes the person who picks out people's real names is less than human, too. Anyone who would play a cruel trick like giving him such a godawful, horrible name, _Loveless_, has to be.

14. But when he thinks about it, the name is fitting in so many ways, and that's when he starts to feel sick.

15. On some nights, Soubi sneaks in through the window while Ritsuka is laying in bed, and will stroke his head and the soft fur of his ears (like Ritsuka is the one who's the pet) and answer all of the boy's questions on Seimei. It is always too dark to take pictures, to make real memories, but it's memory-times like these that Ritsuka likes the best.

16. He doesn't know what he'll do when he finally finds Septimal Moon, but he wants Soubi to be there when he does.

17. Ritsuka thinks Yayoi is crazy for growing his hair so long, and that the reason Yuiko won't go out with him is not because he's shorter than her, but because he's too much like a girl.

18. Seimei used to kiss him on the lips after he bandaged Ritsuka's wounds, and Ritsuka is only seeing now that maybe that was wrong. That, maybe, just maybe, brothers shouldn't do that.

19. Piercing Soubi's ears was harder than it should've been. Ritsuka cannot stand to cause pain, and knowing that Soubi will gladly take it from him, well, it's scary.

20. His memories left in the night. Ritsuka, he woke up one morning and everything was different and new and, suddenly, _comfortable_. He does not know what he's forgotten, what he's forgetting, but he knows he is happier now than he ever was before.


End file.
